Tips for the Corporate Ladder

"I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder."
- Craig Charles

All jobs/careers require some form of aptitudes or skill sets. Many of us went to school to satisfy some sort of technical or educational requirement. Others meet job requirements with firm handshakes and a good sense of humour.

I think at some point most people are driven to 'advance' their career whether for financial, personal, or other reasons. Presumably career advancement brings on not only more responsibility, but new challenges, new opportunities, and ultimately a bigger paycheque.

In the corporate world there are options for getting ahead. You could put in those 'extra hours' to show management you are a real go-getter. Or you could take additional training (MBA anyone?) to demonstrate your intelligence and business savvy. Maybe it's a simple as blowing the boss in his office.

All of these things take some time and effort though and there is no promised that those investments pay off.

After discussion with my colleagues I have identified one strategy that, with relatively little effort, is almost guaranteed to differentiate you from your fellow employees and fast track your way up the corporate ladder.


A British accent conveys a sense of culture, class and distinction with none of the stigmas associated with being a visual minority. People will assume you are educated, intelligent and that you offer great value and insight within the corporate setting.

Voice lessons (cheapest) or an extended stay in Britain (likely more expensive) should do the trick. Be prepared to have ready a few small lies to help deal with inquisitive co-workers but rest assured that very few people will have the nerve to question your authenticity.

In the right situation an Australian, Irish, or South African accent can also be effective. Unfortunately a New Zealand or Scottish accent is more or less useless.

Still Learning

"We have two ponies for this weekend"-Leon

Thanks for the well wishes and encouragement regarding my last posting. To my knowledge, the boat is still floating (to be confirmed this weekend) which bodes well for any future fishing adventures. I'm sure people will be lining up for me to take them fishing in the S.S. Value Village now, right?

It seems people really appreciated the use of MS Paint to help diagram the situation. Perhaps I too often use MS Paint to create pee and poo pictures. Instead, I should maybe make an effort to consider more frequently using it to describe and simplify scenarios or ideas.

As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.

The following series was done to convey some sports strategies... in this case, for our office's dodgeball team, the Green Balls of Fire.

The Tale of the S.S. Value Village

Oh, wildly cohering in a watery deep
We'll drop her down to the bottom
We'll drop her down like she's nothing
And the water is all
from 'Dory' by Grizzly Bear

Last week was an interesting one. Upon returning home from a wedding in Vancouver I was alerted to phone the women at the marina a.s.a.p. via a note in our mailbox. On calling her I was informed that my boat, the S.S. Value Village, had sunk. Egads.

I neglected to go and see the damage that night. The Nucks were playing and it was a sort of a farewell of sorts for Jared who was heading back to the East Coast. That night I did not sleep well. Visions of sinking, floating, and damaged boats filled my head. I definitely woke up worse for wear.

The next day was filled with phone calls and questions. Is it salvageable? What about the motor? What will it cost? I realized that without going to see the situation first hand it would be almost impossible to decide a plan of attack.

The marina woman had told me the boat was still tied to the dock, but that the boat was more or less submerged with the motor completely under the water. I tried to envision what it might look like, and did a quick sketch in MS Paint to discuss how it might be sitting in the water with my co-worked.



I was curious as to how the dock lines were holding and whether the outboard motor was affecting how it hung in the water. I was also unsure of how far below the depths the boat actually was.

That evening I picked up Tyler and headed down to survey the damage. As it turned out, option A was the correct one.



We talked with the live-in's at the marina and tried to get a sense of what comes next. After considering the quoted costs ($800 to $1000 to get it floating) we decided to make a go of it the next day and see if we couldn't ressurect the S.S. Value Village ourselves.

The next morning we managed to get the boat floating again with the aid of a wetsuit, 4 inner tubes, an air compressor and a 500 gallon per minute water pump.

After purchasing a new battery and cables Tyler "Magic Man" secured his place in the S.S. Value Village hall of fame by getting the motor started and running after 10 days of being submerged in the salt.

The following day we worked on electrical and patched her up. She now sits back in her spot in front of the Value Village with only a few minor repairs to be completed.

How did she sink you ask? Here is a diagram of the details:




It was quite the adventure/experience.